It’s really hard not to blame myself for him doing this, constantly, all the time over and over. Talking to his ex every day, calling her, e-mailing her, making phony Facebook’s so he can see her without me knowing. She’s married. He’s married. They both have kids. They live on other ends of US. She says she would never get back with him, that she doesn’t love him, but now I’m not so sure anymore. She promised she wouldn’t lead him on, that she would stop talking to him, but now a year later they are still talking. She is a liar, and he is a sneak. I wonder how her husband feels, if he even knows, if he feels as empty and insignificant as I feel. They only dated for three months (according to her, seven according to him). We have been married for two years. He never tells I’m beautiful, but tells her on her photos on Facebook, and who knows what else they say in their e-mails. She’s pretty, clear skin, perfect hair, perfect figure (she’s what, a size zero? She’s so small despite having a kid). I’ve had acne since I was twelve, my hair resembles a lions mane no matter what I do to it, I’m pushing a size 16 despite struggling to lose weight. Does he keep doing this because I’m not as pretty as her? Because I’m not pretty at all? No one has told me I was pretty, I never dated anyone before him, and there’s not a single guy wishing I was single. I’m not funny like her, outgoing or encouraging. I’ve always been quiet and kept to myself. I don’t like volunteer work like her because it means talking to people, and she loves kids (he has always wanted a big family) and I am not a big fan of them. Is this why? Maybe she is better than me. Maybe she is a better person. It hurts so much though, I wish someone could be that head over heels for me. He said he wanted to go to college in Arizona to be closer to her, that he dreams of her sometimes. Were married, does he ever dream about me? Did he ever, or was it all about her? I gave up everything for this marriage and now I can’t even get out of it because I can’t support myself, financially especially. How will I care for my son? I need a job but no one will hire me. I am tired of everything, of this cycle, being in continuous pain. All he does is yell at me, accuse me, belittle me in public places and in front of our son. Tell me to get out of the house, to shut up, to go away. I’m tired of crying and of feeling worthless. I’m not good enough to love, apparently not good enough to be a wife, you say sometimes I’m not a good mom, so what is the point anymore?